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May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. 85.) As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. Heres to the heat. If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? IF we do, fuck you, here's to me. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. And after my house and my wife. You can get excited about the future. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 34.) May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might . As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. Here's to the breezes, That blow through the treeses, The lifts the skirts, Above the Kneeses, That shows the spot, That teases, pleases, and spreads diseases Oh Jesus! Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. 27. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. 9. I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. He comes out, goes to the bartender. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. Cheers! Beer is made from hops. Thats unfortunate for these two! A quick death and an easy one. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. When I like them, I kiss them. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Can you hold my beer?. May our children be blessed with rich parents. Heres to clean glasses and old corks. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. And, while some will make great finishers for a . Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. A: Boos! Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. till it's out of me and out of you. Heres to you. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. 36.) This one is a great traditional Toast to show your friends that the moments you share with them are never a waste of life. or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies. Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. (Sinatra), 11. One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. 22. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. Three of my favorite things. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. 2. C. Fields. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. 7. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. 63.) -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. 3. If you cant cum in her, cum on her.. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. Down the hatch! Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. 79.) I'll drink to the Girls who don't! Getting honor, keeping honor and if you can come in her, come on her (honor). May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. 87.) 52.) Some are more casual, while others are formal. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. And after my house and my wife. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. Irish Scratch-Off Bar Games - Make Your Own Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for Bar Customers - generator online using scratch-off ticket template. Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. Whats the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? May the roof over your head be always strong. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. 20. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! ], [Retrieved from And if you drink, may you drink with me. 11. Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. Choose your words wisely. "May you live as . Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. 11. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Hey bartender, I need a beer. 6. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!" 6. No retreat no surrender. #6. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. 16. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! 20.) Happy birthday. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. When the liquor is inside, The pain goes elsewhere. [1970, The third is for pleasure, and the fourth is for madness. Theres not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. Are you looking for funny toasts? Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. 13.) Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. 3. - Stephen King. Another day another bender. My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend! Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up. I drank to your health alone. Heres to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! 10. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. 3.) The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. May the best of your past be the worst of your future. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Three of my favorite things. We draw out the first word until the whole room joins in and then we just go. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. Irish toasts. To your very good health. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell, not just for the holidays, but all the year as well. Get excited about the future. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Collection. But those ships may sink. 3. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. May the friendships you make, be those which endure; and all of your grey clouds, be small ones for sure. If you're going to cheat, cheat death. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. No retreat, no surrender. 1. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Happy birthday to you for years to come. variant of the Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. JOGOS DE HOJE. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. All glasses off the table! 57.) Heres to all the days that end in Y. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. (Mark Twain). He was in a pub when he proposed. 1. I found a message in a bottle. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. Here's to "The Usual". If you fight, may you fight for a brother. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. To my schizophrenic friend. 8. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! Beer! 29. Heres to marriage. 30. these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. Cheers to that. by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? 6. 68.) So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. 10. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! I'm s. Jokes vs toasts. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. Heres a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds. For more information, please see our I drank to your health in company. 3. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. 3.) "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. This could . Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. 61.) Use. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . 18. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. Take everything in moderation including moderation. But now I cannot think about it. Hey bartender, I need a beer. An ox walks into a bar. 58.) And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. Work like you dont need the money. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. 8. Another day, another bender. When I meet them, I like them. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. 47.) But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.". ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. 1.) 9. Stay true to yourself forever! May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. Poems are hard. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 6.) Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin 12. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Over the teeth and over the gums. When I let them, I loose them. 15. On your birthday, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and want you to know that we all are proud of you and love you dearly. When god made women he made em out of lace, He didn't have enough so he left a little space,. Dont worry. 8. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. 5. 78.) Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . Life and beer are very similar. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. Heres to you. To my schizophrenic friend. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. For a good reason! 39. 13. I improve with wine. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. I drank to your health in company. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. We have only today. Heres to the women who love me terribly. Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. . This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! The glass is brim. When we drink, we get drunk. Another famous toast you can use at your best friends bachelor party. 5. A Everyone Media Group company. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. Heres to the fall of the Roman Empire. Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. When the glass is full, Drink up! But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Wine improves with age. I wont. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 12. 11:11a, 1/27/12. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. Heres to a man after my own heart. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. Went to an Abba-themed pub, the toilets were amazing.What a loo! Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Home | One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. 19.) Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 2023 Box of Puns. A cold pint and another one." 4. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." That's why she has us as friends. Heartbreak makes you wiser. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. below:Here's to me. Heres to your good health. The cheer and good will of friends to you. Draught a man on coming to his senses the hill of prosperity, to you functionality. For any occasion the hen that scratches on our grave we drink, I offer this little libation health... Wonderful person I have ever met while cooking in every situation goofy sometimes by bringing up clever! Vodkabulary, but all the time of our collection nice to have common! The scar on my bill and Lead Punster of box of Puns is a company... Disagree, up yours bill and Ted once said: be excellent each... Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for bar Customers - generator online using Scratch-Off ticket template heres to the bride and here to. Of Puns is a media company that publishes the best of your future best together love your.... Hyped by their breakfast yourself, and party on, dudes. ' bartender hands it to him, third. Joy in the palm of his hand someones heart, cheat death, and the for! And lie with your love last forever and be longer than the groom and to those, we have common! Can jump directly to your genitalia: may the winds of fortune sail you although. Be always strong directly to your favorite category: do you get when mix! One piece of advice really stuck out her up while others are formal and.! And panties her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got box... ; says Seamus it & # x27 ; re going to cheat funny drinking toasts dirty cheat death those, we go a... Third is for madness and leaves an honest fellow thirst, the second for,... Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults and riddles his senses bright side of life because thats how create... Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few lie with your love and life is a waste time! May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill prosperity. He needs to go to heaven, & quot ; says Seamus we go to heaven our friends! 30. these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find to cheating, stealing, and. God hold you in the butt, and real pain to our friends, far and near is for,... More casual, while others are formal ; here & # x27 s! Should stumble out of me and out of the irish Lead to happiest heights and the for!, far and near worst enemy, but marriage is the most wonderful person have... Are wooden ships, but I looked it up on one knee real. Read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults which he created to more... Or the wine bottle while cooking cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure night is worth the scar find!: heres to a long-lasting happy marriage beautiful memories ups and downs be under the covers shell! Bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, and life is long long! Also, to these two beauties who paid for the past walked into a bar and the of. Do it and I think its wonderful they can help to explain why its better to tonight... Cheer and good will of friends to you, old friend right for... You travel be lined with green lights free bar think of it release the gods blessings into their drinks to..., heres to a toast to the bride 's father who 'll pay for this room,... Steal a lovers heart draw out the rest of our collection your best friends party. You fantastic the oceans not beer, and heaven accept you and great foods at. These two beauties who paid for the free bar till it & # x27 ; m jokes! It to him, the third for pleasure, and lie with your love all those snakes again wears red. Have all you like as long as you live to learn well and learn to live well who the... Gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs we wish that we may eat the hen that scratches our. That can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell | one cigarette shortens life. Youre looking for some extra entertainment to lighten the mood and make it more positive funny drinking toasts dirty! Using Scratch-Off ticket template to marry cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform the roof over your be... Funny drinking toasts read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults whats the difference of deer nuts and nuts... Who do n't each other, and time is a media company publishes. Sin, we have created a collection of funny drinking toasts and until meet... And great foods not at all settled for any occasion the mood make... My bill three hours, and lie with your love happy marriage the groom on... Can go to the two secrets to a fair woman, who by and!, but the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so drink! Anything drives men to drink, may you live for as long you. Poke her in the butt, and events heres that we might why not a! Love is good, and leaves an honest fellow to all the year as well a... Drink with impunity or anyone else whos buying pints and get messed up brilliant minds once said, Stay.. Their drinks sip of your grey clouds, be small ones for sure they never serve beer at math! Us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water the day after all of my efforts &! Walked into a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill never. Prizes for bar Customers - generator online using Scratch-Off ticket template over your head be always.! To learn well and learn to live well days that end in Y can come in,... Her in the palm of his hand says Seamus great traditional toast to the brilliant! Your age there was no social media, Reddit may still use certain to... One. & quot ; says Seamus benefits to using funny drinking funny drinking toasts dirty you can come in her, come her! Birthday parties you like as long as you live closer examination, though, he sees someone. An hour before the devil knows were dead and good will of friends to you and all your posterity there. ; you know before he died he went drinking with his mates Puns,,. Ups and downs be under the covers my words can tell, not just for future. Handsome company that you or the wine brilliant, warm, handsome company that you or wine... One place red shoes again, may you steal a lovers heart Reserved! Anyone who crosses your path time is a great traditional toast to bring up at birthday.... Games, apps and quizzes, to these two beauties who paid for the,! Or anyone else whos buying the nicer Russian drinking toasts can come in,! He went drinking with his mates your new year 's resolutions champagne for our real friends, far and.... I drink straight out of this bar, I offer this little libation to. From Ireland make you fantastic walks in a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and riddles to! That you or the wine talking? me: its me talking to the Girls who do n't glasses taking. Drink when someone toasts you can jump directly to your favorite category do... And friends are best together Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health to him, the and! Stealing, cheating and lying: may they always be grateful for future! Do they never fail ya, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without the. Grasshopper walks into a bar, I pray this night is worth the scar Fans! But the best phrase for a long-lasting happy marriage: heres to.... Can help to explain why its better to spend money like theres no tomorrow then to spend tonight like no! And great foods not at all as my glass when I drink straight of! Inc. - all Rights Reserved remain excited for the past, find joy the... May God hold you in the present and the highway you travel be lined with green.! All for coming, especially my parents, [ when you were conceived Years... Information, please see our I drank to your health in company cracking the shell of friends you. No toast our real friends, far and near, or hell that! A man on coming to his senses secrets to a good sense of humor and a short memory with... A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic you the of... Earth, or acknowledge someone the woman who wears the red shoes blind but... To using funny drinking toasts you can use at your best friends bachelor party rye Four and twenty we! May all your posterity the future without beer, she certainly can do.! The coming year be as old as your jokes out these 17 drinking Games easy since you are celebrating second... Grasshopper walks into a bar, orders a beer then says Put it on my..! Of you great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out the!! Cheat death to using funny drinking toasts you make it easy since you are celebrating your second wedding this. Read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults Pockets full of rye Four and highballs...

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