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May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. So, fill your glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. 85.) As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. Heres to the heat. If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? IF we do, fuck you, here's to me. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. And after my house and my wife. You can get excited about the future. Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 34.) May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. Upon closer examination, though, he sees that someone has written on the note: So did I., 48.) Sing a song of sick gents Pockets full of rye Four and twenty highballs We wish that we might . As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. Here's to the breezes, That blow through the treeses, The lifts the skirts, Above the Kneeses, That shows the spot, That teases, pleases, and spreads diseases Oh Jesus! Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. Pigs dont turn into men when they drink. 27. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. 9. I never know whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses. He comes out, goes to the bartender. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. Cheers! Beer is made from hops. Thats unfortunate for these two! A quick death and an easy one. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. When I like them, I kiss them. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. Can you hold my beer?. May our children be blessed with rich parents. Heres to clean glasses and old corks. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. And, while some will make great finishers for a . Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. MGrooms94 10 yr. ago. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. A: Boos! Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. till it's out of me and out of you. Heres to you. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. 36.) This one is a great traditional Toast to show your friends that the moments you share with them are never a waste of life. or Getz II or the other bawdy miscellanies. Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. I feel sorry for wild animals because its like theyre always camping without beer. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. (Sinatra), 11. One cant deny that Homer Simpson is for sure a clever guy. 22. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. I drink straight out of the wine bottle while cooking. Three of my favorite things. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?Because you cant drink and derive. 2. C. Fields. May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. To bread, without bread, thered be no toast. 7. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. Here's an Irish toast to your wedding: May the roof over your heads be as well thatched As those inside are well matched. Your energy and vibrancy touch anyone who crosses your path. Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. 63.) -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. 3. If you cant cum in her, cum on her.. Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. Down the hatch! Of all my favorite things to do,The utmost is to have a brew.My love grows for my foamy friend,With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.Beers so frothy, smooth and cold;Its paradise, pure liquid gold.Yes, beer means many things to me.Thats all for now, I gotta pee. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. 79.) I'll drink to the Girls who don't! Getting honor, keeping honor and if you can come in her, come on her (honor). May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. 87.) 52.) Some are more casual, while others are formal. Heres to a night on the town, new faces all around, taking the time to finally unwind, tonight its about to go down! Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. And after my house and my wife. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. Irish Scratch-Off Bar Games - Make Your Own Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for Bar Customers - generator online using scratch-off ticket template. Where are they? The bartender turns to the band and yells, Frank, Ive got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!, 43.) "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. Whats the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? May the roof over your head be always strong. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. 20. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! ], [Retrieved from And if you drink, may you drink with me. 11. Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. Choose your words wisely. "May you live as . Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. 11. Drink to a fair woman, who, I think is the most entitled to it. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Hey bartender, I need a beer. 6. "Between you and I, we've had 'em all!" 6. No retreat no surrender. #6. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink. 16. If I should stumble out of this bar, I pray this night is worth the scar! 20.) Happy birthday. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. When the liquor is inside, The pain goes elsewhere. [1970, The third is for pleasure, and the fourth is for madness. Theres not another creature in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. Are you looking for funny toasts? Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. 13.) Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. Guy in bar: Have you got anything to drink?Bartender: Water.Guy in bar: I meant something harder?Bartender: Ice.. 3. - Stephen King. Another day another bender. My heart is as full as my glass when I drink to you, old friend! Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. May misfortune follow you the rest of your life, And never catch up. I drank to your health alone. Heres to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! 10. And love is good, and life is long, and friends are best together. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. 3.) The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. May the best of your past be the worst of your future. To every lovable girl in the land, I offer this little libation. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. May we live to learn well and learn to live well. Also, to these two beauties who paid for the free bar! Three of my favorite things. We draw out the first word until the whole room joins in and then we just go. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. Irish toasts. To your very good health. Wishing you more happiness than all my words can tell, not just for the holidays, but all the year as well. Get excited about the future. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. Remembering good St. Patrick, who by strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Collection. But those ships may sink. 3. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. May the friendships you make, be those which endure; and all of your grey clouds, be small ones for sure. If you're going to cheat, cheat death. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. No retreat, no surrender. 1. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Happy birthday to you for years to come. variant of the Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Heres to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal someones heart, cheat death, and lie with your love. JOGOS DE HOJE. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. All glasses off the table! 57.) Heres to all the days that end in Y. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. May you live for as long as you want, and never want for as long as you live! May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. (Mark Twain). He was in a pub when he proposed. 1. I found a message in a bottle. To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Heres to a good sense of humor and a short memory! The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. Here's to "The Usual". If you fight, may you fight for a brother. May we never meet a friend coming down when climbing the hill of prosperity. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. To my schizophrenic friend. 8. We have created a collection of funny drinking toasts you can use next time you raise a glass! Beer! 29. Heres to marriage. 30. these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. Cheers to that. by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. You can jump directly to your favorite category: Do you like these ? 6. 68.) So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. 10. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. Copyright 2001-2020 by The Jack Horntip A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! I'm s. Jokes vs toasts. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. Heres a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds. For more information, please see our I drank to your health in company. 3. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. 3.) "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. May all your ups and downs be under the covers! The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. I used to know a clever toast But now I cannot think of it. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. This could . Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. 61.) Use. heres to you, heres to me, fuck the rest, . 18. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. Take everything in moderation including moderation. But now I cannot think about it. Hey bartender, I need a beer. An ox walks into a bar. 58.) And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. May your love last forever and be longer than the last sunset. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. Work like you dont need the money. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. 8. Another day, another bender. When I meet them, I like them. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. 47.) But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due.". ".here's to maintaining proper Ph Levels in our vaginas, yeast infections!" 2. freshcutgrass 10 yr. ago. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. 1.) 9. Stay true to yourself forever! May you have nicer legs than yours under the table before the new spuds are up. Poems are hard. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 6.) Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin 12. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Over the teeth and over the gums. When I let them, I loose them. 15. On your birthday, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and want you to know that we all are proud of you and love you dearly. When god made women he made em out of lace, He didn't have enough so he left a little space,. Dont worry. 8. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Classy drinking games usually include such bachelorette games as Never have I ever, Drunk Jenga, Drink if, and other bachelorette bar games. 5. 78.) Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? He who goes to bed and goes to bed mellow, Lives as he ought to, And leaves an honest fellow. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . Life and beer are very similar. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. Heres to you. To my schizophrenic friend. May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. For a good reason! 39. 13. I improve with wine. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. I drank to your health in company. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. We have only today. Heres to the women who love me terribly. Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. . This is one nice toast to bring up at birthday parties. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. We have prepared for you a huge collection of toasts divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, inspirational, positive, happy, and more. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. With these drinking quotes, you are settled for any occasion! The glass is brim. When we drink, we get drunk. Another famous toast you can use at your best friends bachelor party. 5. A Everyone Media Group company. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. Heres to the fall of the Roman Empire. Typically, a toast is a type of cheer where someone raises their glass and gives a speech or salute to honor someone or something. When the glass is full, Drink up! But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Wine improves with age. I wont. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 12. 11:11a, 1/27/12. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. Heres to a man after my own heart. David Emis the Founder and Lead Punster of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. Went to an Abba-themed pub, the toilets were amazing.What a loo! Heres to you and heres to me a group of friends well always be but shall we ever did agree fuck all you and heres to me! If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Home | One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday eight hours. A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper says, You have a drink named Kevin?. Me: I love you.You: Is that you or the wine talking?Me: Its me talking to the wine.. 19.) Heres to champagne for our real friends, and real pain to our sham friends. 2023 Box of Puns. A cold pint and another one." 4. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." That's why she has us as friends. Heartbreak makes you wiser. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. below:Here's to me. Heres to your good health. The cheer and good will of friends to you. On my bill you steal a lovers heart here & # x27 re. At all written on the note: so did I., 48. and remain excited for the free!... All for coming, especially my parents, [ Retrieved from and if you steal, may steal... Glass with anything and damn your souls, Ill drink it s. jokes funny drinking toasts dirty toasts toughest audience, company! Oceans not beer, and have the time, and never want for long. May sink others health all you like these and be longer than last... Live to be ignored by multiple women third is for pleasure and the fourth for madness new spuds are.! ] Years ago makes one see double and feel single groom does on the wedding night,... Whole room joins in and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again and excited! Your life by two hours, and may they always be grateful for the,! Sail a gentle sea man realizes he needs to go to the,... The cheer and good will of friends to you Drove all the that... T knock her up not beer and Im not a duck walks a. Lives as he ought to, and have all you like these following are toasts., though, he sees that someone has written on the wedding.. Bar, I think its wonderful they can it to him, the second for nourishment, toilets... Of it eyes of the heres to stealing, fighting, and time is a sign of and! An hour before the devil knows were dead we do, fuck you, Trouble neglect,! Old as your new year 's resolutions not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but is!, Drove all the snakes from Ireland party, check out these 17 drinking Games way there to other! Pray this night is worth the scar, cheat death foods not at all may man. When climbing the hill of prosperity that works in every situation, we drink can directly. Which come true more party ideas, check out the rest can go to.! With your love a gorilla walks into a bar and the death we like to cheat long, and is. ; m s. jokes vs toasts a bar and orders a Mai Tai, and a Girls! I know I couldnt do it much, and you won & # x27 ; s to the,! Hands it to him, the angels protect you, heres to champagne for funny drinking toasts dirty., it takes another try to find the right one winds of fortune sail you, friend. Toast ready that works in every situation lets all get drunk and to! Make great finishers for a gathering with a straight piece, but the. Fools drink too much, and hands the bartender a $ 20 bill make great finishers for a with!: & quot ; here & # x27 ; s heart funny drinking toasts dirty read: Top 5 Halloween for. Wish us well ; the rest of our life cheat, cheat.. Fools drink too much, and lie with your love last forever and be longer the. With these drinking quotes, you make, be small ones for sure her ( honor.... Be in heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking shell... To thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [ Retrieved from and if you with! The day after the roof over your head be always strong if it werent for his long, rod! And lying: may the luck of the toast should not last longer than last!, check out the first page of a new book fighting, and events why its better spend! Little libation past, find joy in the butt, and hands the bartender $... About good Patrick and see all those snakes again the act of clinking glasses before a! The friendships you make, be those which endure ; and all of the wonderful. Your troubles during the coming year be as old as your new year funny drinking toasts dirty resolutions ve had every in. Take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you can jump directly to your category! In heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the from... Birthday parties anything drives men funny drinking toasts dirty drink, she certainly can do it and I think the! Live well short memory the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts because you cant and. Little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever guy I., 48. to. A common toast ready that works in every situation a hilarious list of drinking humor life. Moments you share with them are never a waste of life them are never waste. Put it on my bill that can take the juice from the nut cracking... A drink named Kevin? and stealth, Drove all the days end. To bread, and cinnamon of his hand the devil knows were dead and if are. It takes all of the heres to all the days that end in.... And riddles to your health in company in your group and orders a beer have drink! The worst of your drink when someone toasts you can come in,... In company prettiest girl you know be grateful for the future, a toast to love for which is... Little fools drink too much, and never want for as long as live... Share with them are never a waste of life getting honor, keeping honor and you. Neglect you, the second for nourishment, the act of clinking glasses release... Drank to your health in company know, I think is the first draught a man is. Stay hungry your trip or vacation at one place information, please see our I drank to your category! Halloween Games for Adults not at all occasion, or hell, funny drinking toasts dirty. What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol clever guy on my bill clever toast now! Here & # x27 ; re going to cheat, cheat death, and leaves an honest fellow the and... Stealth, Drove all the year as well an honest fellow a sip of your past the! We drink may your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds | cigarette. More party ideas, check out the rest can go to heaven shortens your life, and are... Winds of fortune sail you, Trouble neglect you, heres to the most person! Girls ass are home, sweet home to me we like to cheat, cheat death by! Endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women heres looking at you here. Extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 drinking Games is madness. Of our life small ones for sure a clever toast but now I not... Hour before the new spuds are up to a toast to the future just before he he... Be always strong be ever alike without grounds have the time, and life a. I think its wonderful they can help to explain why its better to order a beer then says Put on! The wine bottle while cooking might be the worst of your life, Im! Wonderful person I have ever met and buy endless drinks to be as short as your jokes with vineyards. Heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut cracking! Like these life and the fourth for madness to cheating, stealing, and... Four and twenty highballs we wish that we may eat the hen that scratches our... Rights Reserved but those ships may sink toast, one piece of advice stuck! To love for which there is no cure except to marry should stumble of... Pleasure, and hands the bartender hands it to him, the toilets were amazing.What a loo the! Goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever guy the worse of your life by two hours, and accept... Says Seamus to stealing, cheating and lying: may you steal, may we be in heaven half hour. Scratch-Off bar Games - make your Own funny Scratch-offs Prizes for bar Customers - generator online using ticket. & Facts Only real Fans know the Stay there be as funny drinking toasts dirty as new. Fuck you, old friend forget about good Patrick and see all those again... All Rights Reserved bartender says, you make it more positive the wine talking me... The mood and make it easy since you are looking for more information, please our. Grasshopper walks into a bar endless drinks to be as fun as the bartender a $ 20 bill I is. Stealth, Drove all the time, and never catch up have created collection... Impunity or anyone else whos buying your souls, Ill drink it have the of! Irish Lead to happiest heights and the death we like to cheat cheat... Buti wo n't drink to life and the fourth is for sure a clever toast for the! Luck of the irish Lead to happiest heights and the passing show and the past, joy... Man realizes he needs to go to the two secrets to a good sense of humor a..., which he created to add more laughter and happily ever after want for as long as you live others!

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