bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! I have a 11 month old little girl. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. I can understand that your sons behavior is making you sad. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. In the final weeks of your maternity leave, try to find some time to get out on your own for a few hours. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. I am depressed. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. I started wearing lavender lotion every time i saw her, trying in some way to create a bond. But you say that you gave up on her. I dont know what to do. Hi all i am the farther to my 15 month old son & he is a loving child at home but as soon has we go to his Nana & granddads house he doesnt want to no me. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? Here you go honey!. Again research has shown that children who are picked up often, carried around if they ask for it, and so on, become secure enough to leave their parents arms faster than the children who are not allowed to be close to their parents. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. Then try some of these methods: 1. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. what am I to do !! She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. Go swimming, play in the snow, go to the playground or just do something together that both of you enjoy. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. Well tomorrow I am returning back to work and he is going to daycare Monday through Friday. But he just doesnt seem to need me. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. Tips for Going Back to Work After Baby and Easing into a Routine. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. Her caregiver is my sister-in-law and she treats my daughter like her own child. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) Weekends too. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. It may take a few tries for that method to work. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). I am the one who wants to take her to the class, playground and other fun places. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. Here is the good news: you are not alone. I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. You can do it. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. read about this website and how it all started here. Paula. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. Ask your midwife or doctor for help immediately if any part of you answers yes to my above question. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! Must be very painful for the mother. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. I hope its just a phase. I am sure that one day, he will know who his mother is and what she did for him. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). I dont know what to do. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . Thank you so much for your reply. Thank you thank you thank you!! A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. Anyway, Im not writing to give a full update on my situation but instead I wish to respond to your posts. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. So chin up, head down. Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. It hurts. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). My worry is that this will impact on our long term relationship and I can just imagine the teenage years! Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. I thought my son did this because of his cesarean and my dh being the one to help. there babys there used to those that give them there needs and time and attention Im going on my 3rd baby and what i find affective is how the care provider response when you get there Im always excited and hug and kiss daddy when he is home and thats how my children respond they love daddy but when they want or need something its always mommy and believe me some time i want it to be daddy, MY YEAR OLD DAUGHTER PREFERS ANYONE BUT ME, EVEN THO I BREAST FEED, AND DO EVERYTHING FOR HER IN GENERAL, I TRY NO TO SPOIL HER BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY DAUGHTER, GRAND DAUGHTER, NICE AND SO ON I NEVER HAD A POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION SO IT CANT BE THATIM LAID OFF SO IM WITH HER 24/7 NO ONE HAS EVER BABY SET HER I DONT HAVE MY PARENTS NEAR OR ANY FAMILY, BUT MY HUSBAND FAMILY COME OVER AROUND TWICE A WEEK I ALWAYS WANTED HER TO BE OPEN WITH PEOPLE AND NOT TO BE SHY SO I THAGTH HER TO LOVE EVERY ONE ESPECIALLY HER GRANDMOTHER BUT NOW I THINK I DID MISTAKE WITH THAT BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT SHE DOESNT LOVE ME ANY MORE :( IS DEPRESSING ME NOW PLEASE HELP ME..IAM OPEN TO ANY ADVICES THANK YOU. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Within a week I was less upset and things were turning around. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Try the sleep and switch. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. This has been for pretty much his whole life. He fights me on everything. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! But it is so important! When I pick her up from her caregivers house after work, I am so excited because I count down the minutes until I see my precious baby only to get her in my arms and have her reach out for her caregiver. I have not seen the same reaction for me. I dont know what to do. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. They can also act very competitive towards the parent of the same gender. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. And I would say it is actually a good sign. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. Please take care. He just screams in my arms. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. Disguise the bottle. Now, my son doesnt seem to even want me in the room with him any more. However, I am so worried that my initial sadness has somehow rubbed off on him and he would rather be with anyone else but me. She adores me but her daddy not so much. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. I have a 1yr-old son and he just started this him not wanting me always want the other family member that is around. I bathe with her, I nurse her, I stay up with her in the wee hours of the night, I sing to her, I play with her, I carry her, I feed her, I change her I cannot fathom how she could possible love her caregiver or father more than me. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! The most common reason a baby would begin to reject the breast after receiving a bottle is that the bottle was an easier route to take. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. You are so sweet and encouraging!! Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. It must be very confusing for her. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. Unfortunately she has developed a deep bond with my mother (as to be expected) and not me. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. Dear mom, do you think that you might be suffering from a postpartum depression? Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Please advice what should I do. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. Thanks. 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